Go, Cinderella!

JANUARY


Firstly, I would like to say happy holidays and Merry Christmas to everyone. As you can clearly see, I've been slacking big time on my blog for the month of December, given that it's a busy month. I hope you all got what you wished for and more this Christmas; I hope you all had great turkey dinners and got as fat as I did; and I hope you all made memories with the people you love and care for this holiday.



FEBRUARY


So, this is it everyone. This week is the last week of 2010 - how do you plan on spending it? A lot has happened this year - what was your most memorable event? Plenty of ups and downs, trial and triumphs, gains and losses - do you have any regrets? A new beginning is coming up - what do you plan on achieving in 2011? New lessons in life and love - what have you learned about yourself and others? Have you found yourself? Do you know what you want?



MARCH


Truthfully speaking, 2010 has been good to me. I've been blessed with a lot more sunny days than cloudy ones and I have my friends and family to thank for that. This year, I was more focused on the goal of keeping myself happy, no matter what.. and I think I can say that I've done well with that goal throughout the year. I've met a lot of people this year, plenty of new faces and places.. some stayed for the season, some I met for a reason and some that will last a lifetime.



APRIL


A lot of trips to the US this year with the girls and during those trips we've met a few great people who we now call friends. It all began with the New York trip to The Heights to see Jbear, where we spent new years eve in Brooklyn, my birthday in Queens for Pio Pio and in Manhattan to party with the boys from Halos and 1Luv; another trip back to New York with our girls for their first time on Family Day where we roamed the streets of Harlem, partied all over and met the rest of the Halos crew; a much needed trip back out to Miami for P & I, and the first for my A-Team, to attend WMC where we partied with our NYC crew and met more interesting people; New York in July with my BFF; and lastly, another trip out to NY, my home away from home, with my BFF and my BOO in October. I hope 2011 is just as great!



MAY


For the majority of this year, we were all single and painting our city RED with trouble and mischief. Every weekend was filled with a funny ass story, nights out made memorable due to our hilarious ways, shenanigans galore and more. The pizza store fight on my birthday when P actually said "Hold My Purse" before she knocked some dude in the face (LMAO), the invention of signals and bird calls with the girls (caCAWW!), the night H finally finished her university program and we took her ass out to celebrate... (cough, cough LOL), pool parties and boat cruises, New York nights out, birthday nights are always something, fishing trips, camping trips, balloon fights, yard nights and summer nights.. just to name a few.



JUNE


Lost a couple and gained a few this year; all without regrets. A year filled with newfound friendships, rekindling of older friendships and new loves - but it wasn't all smiles and laughter, I definitely hit a couple bumps along the way.. maybe a few BUT who's counting anyways. Every love and heartache is a lesson to be learned in itself, and you always get an opportunity to embrace that lesson or to be blinded by it all and repeat it. I seem to be one of those people who learn the lesson and end up repeating it... I'm an idiot, I know haha. There was, at one point, a month of drama but we gained a great friend in the end.. and this certain someone, who shall remain nameless, couldn't be anymore of a perfect fit with us. We got you, boo :)



JULY


Went through a lot as a person this year and with some things that dragged on from 2009. I'm proud with the person that I am and with the person I have become. What, a few, of you still don't seem to understand is that I am the way I am; quirks, loudness, aggression, profanity, bluntness, laughter, jokes, love, hate, rudeness, niceness and it all.. and It is what it is. Don't try to change me because I sure as hell won't for you and I know that I don't try to change any of your asses. You are the way you are and I accept you with your flaws and all - why is it so hard for you to do the same for me? Suck it up buttercup, I was born this way and I'll be going out this way. Will I ever change? Probably with certain traits but that's in due time.. for now, you're either with me or you're bitching outside my bubble, and frankly, both sound fan-fuckin'-tastic to me!



AUGUST


I think what I love the most out of all that has happened in 2010 is being able to see all of my girls happy. I'm not even saying that to sound cliche or to gloat but I can truly say that every single one of my girls are happy. They're all having fun, they're all with great guys, they're all smiling without regrets and that makes my heart smile; that fact, alone, beats all the nights out and all the trips combined. I know that if I ever need my girls, they'll be here for me in a heart beat and thus far, they haven't let me down. I'm blessed and I'm thankful for the girls I got rollin with me; for my truthful and loyal ones; for my new and old ones; for my girl out west to my girls out east. All I need in this life of sin are me and my girlfriends - down to ride to the very end.. PN, MR, LC, LN, HC, BG, RS, AS (Ms. MIA) & RS.



SEPTEMBER


I'm hoping that the upcoming new year will be just as great and eventful as this year. I pretty much know what I want to do, where I want to go, what I want to gain and lose and what needs to be done to get what I want. I'm hoping that I grow with friends and let go of enemies (i.e.; chihuahuas that bark and don't bite) and I'm hoping to grow, more than I already have, as a person. I want to live with no regrets and I want to live in the moment, but most of all and most importantly, I just want to be happy - mentally, emotionally, wholeheartedly. Make me happy.



OCTOBER


With Christmas out of the way and New Years tickets already in hand, the last things I have to worry about in 2010 is the purchase of a nice NYE dress and the planning of my birthday. I cannot wait for the holidays to end and I cannot wait to start a new year. Hello 2011 and goodbye 2010; I won't forget ya, I'll try not to miss ya, but I got to let you go. It's time to write a new and better chapter filled with fun, and as Mona likes to say, "Good people, good music, good times." Let's keep implenting that motto into our lives.



NOVEMBER


New memories with new faces, a new year with a new age to experience; I'm ready for ya. I need to pick and plan my birthday, still deciding on a venue and on a suitable night - I just want a night of fun and no drama.. perhaps a cake, champagne and ticket to brazil? Haha I'm kidding. Everyone says I'm quarter way through my life and they ask me how it feels.. I tell them It feels the same and I feel like I'm more at the mid-life crisis point. Time to get me a blonde bitch and a sports car! Mama asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I told her nothing, what I have is enough... then of course she laughed and asked me what I really wanted, and I told her the winning lottery ticket haha. Daddy asked if I was happy, I said I was content. Brother asked me if I was good and I said as good as I can be. I will get to where I'm going; I'm not in a race to get there because If I speed past my present, I'll regret looking back to nothing. You know?



DECEMBER


2010 was filled with a lot of "I love you, I loved you, I will love you", "I hate you, I hated you, I will hate you", "I miss you, I've missed you, I will miss you" and "I don't regret you". History will always repeat itself, it's just the way life works. I hope 2011 will bring more loving and missing and less hating and words of regrets. I wish you all a year filled with new life experiences and lessons; I wish you all the opportunities to grow as a person and to learn things about yourself that you've never known; I wish you the ability to let go and let in; I wish you a safe Winter, a spontaneous Spring, a daring Summer and an easy Fall; I wish you all happiness in love, adrenaline in lust, strength in pain, confidence in dares and trust in honesty; I wish you well and I wish you the best. I hope that this blog post will suffice from what I lacked thereof in December. Thank you all for being here with me and for reading with me thus far :)





The next time you read my shit, it will be 2011.. so I want to finish off by saying HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Kiss that person when it hits midnight and smile - a whole new year awaits you.

I love you to my close ones;
& I loathe you to my haters.
If you plan to ride my ass on my every move, at least pull my hair; make it somewhat enjoyable for me, you vultures!




Anyways, you know the deal;
comment, hate me, love me, date me
-- or you can do what you do best and stalk me from a far, perves lol.

&&& IM OUT!! GET OFF ME SON!!

Endings & New Beginnings.

2010 will be a thing of the past; new faces, new life lessons, new everything.
Big talk last night, thank you for those who helped.
Delete all evidence of existence and events; get out of my head.
I know I've been doing the same song and dance and I apologize to those who had to keep seeing it.
Done wit' it, dead that track and I'm throwing out the CD.
January 2011, I will be how I use to be.. and if y'all don't like it, well damn, tough fucking luck.
Been barking, time to bite; I ain't a bitch nigga.
Ready for the new year, tell it to hurry up.





This Is The Last Hangover;
Big tune - I love Keyshia for these type of tracks.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BG AND TN!

LOVE YOU BOTH VERY MUCH!

Shout out to MYYYYUUTTTTE; Shout out to TG; Shout out to my BFFS;
& always, of course; Shout out to my haters, creepers and stalkers - yall keep me on point ;)

Now fuck off & and fuck on.

Don't Wanna Miss This; It Feels Like It's Christmas.

With Christmas being a week away and snow infesting this city, I've been trying to really get into that holiday festive cheer... and to be honest, It just isn't happening. I'm telling you guys, I'm just a Scrooge type of character around this time of the year no matter how hard I try lol. BUT, it'll be over after next week and then this year will be over the week after and all this money spending fuckery will finally be over; now this shit right here makes me wanna dance in the snow.


P & I finally got some decorating done on our Christmas tree and I gotta finish shopping for gifts this week. Not only do I have to get the gift list done, I've got to prepare for our big Christmas dinner jam coming up next week. Then there's New Years and then my birthday.... my parents just couldn't wait to have me during the Summer eh, so inconsiderate of them. I JOOOoooke.


December has only begun but within the first couple of weeks I've really grown to appreciate and accept things in my life. You know, if I were to write a wish list to Santa, I'd ask him to keep my friends happy, to shelter them from pain, for nothing but straight honesty and loyalty for me, for strength and courage when life throws unexpected shit my way and nothing but good karma and well wishes for my family, my girls, my friends and you. I wish you all the ability to appreciate the simplicity of waking up for tomorrow, for breathing tonight and for remembering all your yesterdays.


I am really thankful for those I've met this year; for those I've had an opportunity to grow with as friends; for the memories I've been able to make; and for my girls, who stay with me every year - more trustworthy and loyal as the years go by. I would like to think that I've been lucky thus far.. I want more. Give me more.


Three weeks today, I will be a year older. It's kind of depressing; bitter sweet if anything. I can't wait to grow and be the woman I'm meant to be but at the same time, I don't wanna ever lose the amount of fun and party and bullshit I'm experiencing now. When I look back, I'll smile at all the shit I've done and smile with no regrets - I should take some time out of my busy life schedule to print pictures and make photo albums, huh? I shall look into that. Anyways, the annual fuckery fest will probably take place. Where, when and what to expect has yet come to mind.. but my selective few will definitely find out as soon as I find out.


I've been slacking on my blogs lately, but could you blame me? It's the fucking holidays and I've been so busy with everything - I promise it'll pick up after New Years. 2011 will be filled with shananigans, life morals and dram, as it has been with each passing year; I just hope I don't repeat the same bullshit with the same bulls, naaahh'm sayin??






&&& AS ALWAAAYS...
Comment;
Hate me;
Love me;
Date me.

Just wipe your drool off my screen when you're done, COMPRENDE?!





How could I not end it off with this? :)
All I want for Christmas is youuuuuuuuuuuu..

Forever Mine.

Life is an amazing thing. I can proudly say that I am fortunately blessed with the things that I have in my life. I have my irreplaceable family and relatives that has seen me go through hell and back at least a good hundred times; I have my sisters that have my back through thick and then, good times and bad times, fights and love, everything; my friends that bring me many memories, smiles and happiness; and my presence in this world alone is precious.


Going through life without any support or love is your choice, but I will tell you something, it's better with good people. Every thing that you come across as an obstacle or as a great thing, to have someone there with you to support you and tell you that they are proud of you... it's a whole new thing that no one should miss out on. You are an amazing human being that deserves the world and the galaxy.


With that being said, in the end, all you have is yourself. When all is lost, when your friends and family are not there; you must learn to depend on yourself. You're strength, you're mentality, you're abilities, you're life, you're future is all in your hands. You are in control of your future and you're destiny. Never doubt yourself. What you think and say is not wrong.. do not conform to what they say is right.. why draw within the lines? Get messy, scribble.. society fears anyone that is willing to dare and express themselves.


I love everyone and everything that is in my life, but I love myself the most; flaws and all. Today, I attended a great function at Pleasure and Pain Tattoo. Ink for heart, where half of the proceeds went to the heart and stroke foundation, where people of all kinds came together to receive $40 tattoos and $20 piercings, where there was smiles, love and support all day. I got my first tattoo today,"forever" on my ring finger. What does it represent? My ring finger and I are forever mine, before any man, and whoever I marry (the luckiest dude alive).. I expect forever. Scary? Then run.


I am happy with my choice, my family, my friends and my life. Are you?
If not, make a move and get yourself there.. because I promise you, It is the greatest feeling in the world.






I feel invincible. I am on top of the world. Come meet me there.




To you niggas bitin my flows and my subject matter,
You'll never be me partner, So it dont fuckin matter.

Friday Night Lights.

Quick and simple post;



I just died and went to hip hop heaven. Amazing flow.. raw shit..
If you haven't listened, y'all slacking.
If you haven't gotten it, y'all sleeping.

Wake up.



So good to hear Aaliyah again..♥

In The Morning.

Is it logical to miss something that was never yours? Memories, feelings and thoughts you sometimes wish never happened to begin with for your own peace in mind; fighting to forcefully rid it all from within you, knowing that it needs to be done, knowing that a part of you still doesn't want to. How do you stop yourself from feeling anything when the source of it all is in plain sight? I want things around me that aren't doing any good for me, call me a masochist. The last time I felt a spark with giddiness, I was sixteen.. sucks that I gotta let this one go. Have you ever seen the movie, Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind? Pretty much how I feel sometimes... Oh well.


On a happier note; Big shout out to Ms Ladyluck, recently celebrating her 21st *ahem* birthday. Doing it big every year, once again at Tattoo in Toronto. The memories of ridiculous nights out and bad mornings after can go on for days. No one throws parties out in Toronto like she does, step it up people!









Also, I wanna shout out my girl KC; You guys aint seen a female flow until you seen her go... the way this girl spits makes me wanna marry her.
Take a peek;

"brain matter splattered as she speak full powered, clocked thoughts shatter with every hour as she devour week minded cowards kush clouds mellow mouths sour, always put a best foot forward so ya next step is the best step get it thru ur head, rest - aint what come to term success, u bet and ull get what u get, holdin my breath with my eyes on death, walkin straight past, im on the get backs, jet packs, im on retro like jetsons go go KC gadget, wet one release kase'ings to cap. some straight to the dome like a bio reaction under da fitted with the T-shirt caption Load the mother ship, This is ur captain pimped up, hoe down, n homie is slackin dont botha with sideways mackin, always frontin like dey aint actin as if im da only one worth havin i see beyond weak game, so refrain brethren, listen, sexy nor baby's my name, n u wastin my time aint get us no gain, i need a slick daddy who aint work my brain, everythin he b doin i be doin same, neva wear a collar but im rockin some chains, n jus cuz i lead dont mean that ill stray im a boss bitch, i wont shit where i lay, so i might not sit if im told to stay i work for my money and it works for me neva let much get in between we, n if he down to roll, we can make a squeeze, happily, be the best of threes he with i and i with she, til he see she with me, jealousy all for one, and one for all, please ill still love her even if he leaves."



Follow her rhymes in her mind @ SUMM - A - SOULTICE


BIG UPS TO MY HOMIES! BIG UP TO MY GIRLS!
BIG UP TO MY HATERS & THE CREEPERS IN MY WORLD!

Next blog will be better, gotta go get mines.

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And a subliminal shot...




Can I hit in the mornin', the sun rise while you moanin'..

The Best Has Yet To Come.

It's getting close to that time of year! I'm surprised that, with the early snow fall from last weekend, no one has gone crazy with that early Christmas spirit; the later it comes, the less of a bitch I'll be hahaha. Starting my list up already, I don't want to get caught up in that mass hysteria found in all malls during mid-December... those days make me want to hurt people, but obviously I dooon't!


I'll tell you what I am looking forward to this holiday season; turkey christmas dinner! This year we'll host dinner at our place with the girls and the guys. I miss all my girls.. I miss us all at one place, drunk with happiness, stories for days and memories in the making for our future tomorrows.


Ladies, we've come so far. We haven't been able to spend as much time together as before but we all know our sisterhood is concrete. We're all doing different things but we're not far from each other, which I like; and I just wanted to say that I love you all to pieces and I'm very proud of what you've all accomplished as a person, in school and in work. You guys are my irreplaceables and I can't wait until we're old milfs laughing back at our ridiculous adventures and wild nights.


For those who think I'm a total grinch, there are some things I like about the holidays... such as the first snow fall, lightly covering the city, mainly at night; the jazz compositions and soft crooning from Michael Buble and others that invades the malls and restaurants; the smell of pumpkin spice.. I don't personally like to drink or eat it but I love the smell; Gifts and reunions; and did I say turkey yet? MMmmm TURKAAAAY!!!!


I gotta say, I'm pretty excited for this new year to come. Not only am I starting it fresh again, I'm able to say that I get to start it with a few new great additions in friends & family. Every year is different and I'm curious to see how this up and coming year will turn out. Every single one of my girls are going into this new year with a boyfriend and usually I would complain and say they've all abandoned me (bitter side speaking) but I'm really happy for them, being that they've got great guys with them. Y'ALL MAKE ME SICK!


A few more birthdays coming up before the new year.. Jr, you better be eating up plenty bread because you and I both know that you won't be walking out of the club on your birthday; growing up so quick, it scares me sometimes when I forget how old you are. MR's next.. we've seen each other grow since babies, can't wait for your annual princess day!! BG, you better be bringing your ass down here for a night of unspoken wild festivities! Hookman, which I'm sure will be kept quiet; and of course, yours truly. What to do, where to go and what to drink... who knows... but we aaaall know it's always a fun, messy, shit show! I AM SO EXCITED!!


A word from the wise (HAH), let's roll with punches. Take what you've got, good or bad and work with it. If you feel that it is something worthwhile, keep at it until you get what you want. If it's not worthwhile, fuck it up the ass and leave it for the vultures.. they're always hungry.


Family first;
Money second;
Bitches last.


And always smile at the bitches who hate on you, they love that shit .
=)




So maybe I’m a masochist.. I try to run but I don’t wanna ever leave.



LET'S GO 2011!! IM READY FOR YA!!


Some NYC pics perhaps?







KK BOUNCE BITCHES!

1st Love.

It'll be one year this Thursday since you've gone away; one year this Thursday that I got a call from my baby sister, telling me you wouldn't be around anymore; one year this Thursday when my life changed in so many ways.


I was 16 when I met you, I remember the day so clearly it may as well have been yesterday. Working at Tim Horton's, skinny and blonde, no make up, uniform and a hair net on, I had no idea what you saw in all of that but you saw something. You came in flirting with me over a poppy seed bagel that burnt my fingers, I couldn't even look at you; just thinking about it, I can still feel what I felt when I first met you... shit is crazy. You'd visit often and I still laugh at the day you came in with Kendra and baby Jin, thinking she was your girl with your baby.. only to find out she was Cue's girl. We exchanged numbers and the rest from there, I would never forget.


Almost 2 solid years together; a lot of bads but we had our goods. No relationship is perfect, ours was far from it but I can honestly sit here and say that I've never ever loved another the way I did with you. What scares me the most is to think that maybe I never will.


The first 6 months were bliss, everything was perfect, I've never been so happy in my life. We had our bumps along the way with my parents not approving of you, the whole school, work, friends thing but it was all minor at the time. I remember I hardly saw my girls because being with you was all I wanted and you felt the same way. You were my late night chef, my in-home movie date, my chauffeur, my shoulder and ears and my sappy homo boyfriend and friend. I remember that dinner you made for our anniversary and how you asked me to dance.. so stupid because it was at home, but so cute because I really wanted a dance with you. It was me and you against the world, we were bonnie and clyde with those missions, and you got away with everything because I was so far gone into what we had.


The fights started to come as I slowly uncovered your secrets. The shady things you lied about, the things you did to hurt me.. I know you didn't do it with the intentions of causing me pain, but you did them and they did to me. I was such a love sickened puppy that anything you did wrong, I let you back so easily; vulnerable to the thought of living a life without you. Losing you would've meant losing so much in memories and in the time we've put in to build us. I wasn't ready for that.


You were my first with many things. You brought me back into our Laos/Thai culture and made me see and appreciate it from a different perspective. You were there when I got my puppy, when I left my job, when I went back to school, when I went to Montreal and Boston with my family, when I got sick, when the inevitable happened and disappeared and more. You were there for everything, so seeing how every fucking place and thing in Aurora and in my house reminded me of you and us, you understand why I had to leave.. Why, after I found out about what had happened to you, I never slept in my bed or in my room ever again. I couldn't do it.. I still can't.


I still remember when it all finally came crashing down.. and how much I hated you for fucking it all up; for not learning and changing when you needed to; for lying to me on how you will change just to keep us, to fix us; for trying to fuck with my head with a proposal, with talks of a future and shit. Wow how mad I was at you. I wanted to kick the shit out of you for making me so angry and bitter. We fought every damn day, over the same shit, playing the same song, doing the same dance; I knew what had to be done.


I fought with myself every hour of every day, arguing with my sanity, always folding to the unreasonable voices in my head telling me to keep you, to give you one more chance, to believe that things will change for the better. You fought for me to stay, but with the wrong ways of showing me.. you fucked up. I remember the day I made that call to end it.. I couldn't breathe, my chest felt like it had the biggest and heaviest knot inside, pain spread through me so quick I almost didn't do it - but you had let me down that morning and put me through hell that week that I made myself go through with it. Hearing you cry, hearing you beg for me to stay, hearing you tell me you love me and you couldn't be without me, that you'll change and you promise.. broke my heart into so many pieces, I don't even know what's left of it. Leaving you was the hardest thing I had to do... I didn't know that losing you would be even harder.


So I left you and I hated you for the next 4 years. I hated you so much that I told you how much I hated you whenever you'd come around and tried to fuck with my head. I hated you so much that I told you to go fuck yourself and die with all the pain and agony you put me through, how you made me trust less and love less thanks to all that you did to hurt me. I told you to never show your face at my job, never call my house, never talk about me to my friends and family behind my back, never message me on facebook and that we have no reason to communicate at all. I hated you with literally all that I had inside of me, I had so much anger and resentment for you, I told myself never again and never will I forgive you.. I didn't care about how much you missed me and how badly you just wanted to talk to me and apologize... how selfish was I?


November 4th 2010, around 3pm, I got a call from my sister who was in tears with a distant tone of voice, something was off. She told me you were gone and my initial reaction was "So what, he'll be back, he always disappears, you know that Amb. Why are you calling me about it for." She explained what she meant to me in detail. My world crumbled around me with every millisecond that passed by and I slowly felt guilty with pain for all that I had said to you over the years... only then did I realize that all my hate for you was just my love transformed into anger. It's been almost year and I'm still working on forgiving and forgetting.


Truth is, you can never forget your first love. We make a memory for forever, we watch it build only to see it fall, we learn what it's like to love, hate, miss and more.. and we let them go. We smarten up on things we fell down from and build a better, more aware inner conscious for our future. I've changed a lot since the ending of him and I.. since I lost him.. and I thank him for it all.. all the bad and good times. Everything. No one will ever understand why I still care, but they weren't there.


I forgive you and myself for everything we've done and put ourselves through.
Still got some love and hate for you; still think about you from time to time; still wish you didn't go out the way you did.
You're forever embedded within my memories.. I smile to the good times.

Rest peacefully sweetie.. fly high and be free.
xoxoxo





&& this one goes out to my 1st love...

I'm a motha' fuckin' MONSTER.

Investing myself in others, forgetting what I use to be like. Ruthless, sky high, all for myself and just my girls... what the fuck happened? People got caught slipping, I got caught slipping and now I'm feeling the fall. It ain't right; I need to wake the fuck up, snap the fuck out and get back up on my high horse.. this mainstream ride ain't cuttin' it.


We all fall and have our weaknesses, our moments in life where we allow ourselves to let our guards down and put in our time and emotions into something, someone; there's nothing wrong with that but there's something wrong if it consumes the shit out of you and not them. None of that shit, dead it.


2010 has been a great year thus far. We've had crazy nights, really fun messy nights, great mornings, adventures and missions galore... since when did I turn into a chick that sits, waits and hopes for something? Pathetic. I ain't that chick and I need to get right, do me, and stop hanging around shit that jerks me. What happened to our no-drama, no-explanation, worry free nights out?! I tell everyone to do what makes you happy and be around things that make you happy, I should practice what I preach. I should follow through with words from the mind set of what I'm used to hearing.. mine; and tricks better step up if they chirp my way, say word, I'm sick of walking away for others.


2011 is coming; I plan on traveling more, doing more, eating more, seeing more and my appetite has grown... don't get thrown on my menu bitches. I'm hungry; I don't plan on leaving any left overs, no take outs and no fucking repeat orders. Homies trying to tame a wild one, good luck. Better tie a good noose to catch this one and I hope you're quick to keep up, i'm running wild now.


Do you.
I'll do me.
Nothing's legit until it's written in stones, I've been told.. Ha, right.
Time to write a few rough copies and a couple rough drafts.


Gossip. Gossip. Nigga just stop it.






Get off me niggas; I can't breathe with your infested bullshit polluting my air. C'mon son!









SALUTE ME, BITCH.

4 Seasons of...

Winter's coming and Fall is here.. I hate this time of the year. The cold is creeping in, the leaves are falling from the trees, leaving them bare, single friends are now couples, 2 weeks to his one year anniversary, snow will fall, holidays filled with romantic dinners and jolly nights will be the death of my existence and money. They say I'm bitter because I've done the holidays as a single chick for the past 4 years, they're probably right, but that doesn't stop me from being the holiday grinch. I should vacate the city for Christmas. The only things I like about the holidays are the turkey dinners, boxing day, the reunion of my girls, the return of jazz music and the come back of r&b music. The rest can dead it. =)


I was going to write an inspiring, uplifting post this week because I missed last week's post, but I'm going to say fuck it. Lately, I've been uninspired to write, so fuck it. We'll keep it emo.


Get me back to what it use to be, get me back to me. Get me back to when times were just filled with spontaneous fun, careless nights and eventful days; to when I didn't care too much for things that never bothered me before; to when I could sit by myself out in the summer breeze and have a silent mind; to stupidity and laughter; to serenity. Now. I can't wait for this shit to pass.. this feeling inside me and these two seasons.


Fast forward me to Summer, teleport me to New York or press rewind for '2010.
No, bring me back to July and put me it on repeat, I could live with that until March 2011.


I don't mean to be a prude but it's an annual chain of events that I've grown accustomed too, and you really wouldn't understand why I get this way during the holiday season unless you've been through this yearly. It isn't the same, even with everyone around; still going to make it the best holiday ever with our new place and our new things and our new friends and of course, our family of sisterhood.. I'm just saying.. I can't wait until it's March.


On a happier note;

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO PAOLO, QT && TB!!!
You guys and the rest of them have made my summer.. best summer since 2007.
Let's keep it going ninjaaaas :) xo




Seasons change.

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PS; NYC WAS THE ILLEST! Miss everyone out there!! xoxoxoxo
We'll be back soon.. y'all know diiiisss maaaaaaaaann!!





Bounce, biiiaaaatccchhh!!

Love & Appreciation.‏

Wake up, shower, get ready, pick out your outfit, check the time, go to school/work, beat traffic, study/work, stay aware of your health, stay on top of your finances, pay bills, refill the gas in your car/renew monthly transit passes, check the time, eat all meals if you remember to, try to maintain a healthy & strong relationship with friends, family and loved ones, stress, thoughts, pets, keep your room/house tidy, groceries, check the time, make dinner, pack lunch for tomorrow, see if the weather permits a nice outfit for the next day, check the time, try to sleep, argue with your own insanity, escape for the night with the cousin of death, put that on repeat, give or take a few details, etcetera, etcetera..


Life; with so much running through your mind at once, you always forget that you have the ability to step back and appreciate the simpler things in life. Every so often, I suffer from a case of insomnia that I can only thank myself for with so much shit in my head. It's a bittersweet feeling. Bitter and frustrated from the lack of rest, lack of silence, lack of mental control and lack of sleep; sweet and appreciative from learning that this is when my insanity makes more sense to me realistically, allowing myself to understand my actions and thoughts from a different perspective. If anyone understood what I just said, you'll know that I'm explaining that satisfying feeling of knowing you've just mentally grown as person on your own; acceptance and understanding in a positive manner will bring you far and high when you are in search of your own soul.


There will always be a constant stream of distraction in life no matter where you go, where you stand and what you are doing. I remember when I got caught slipping and what it all felt like from the beginning to the end. The feeling of excitement and adrenaline when it was new was refreshing but discovering that I was investing more than I even knew I wanted to was the show stopper. I walk into every situation in life completely aware of all that is involved, such as factors, probabilities and possible outcomes - so going into this, I knew it what it would do to me, what to expect and how to control my actions.. for the most part. My mind was on OVERLOAD and I didn't have a second of silence to myself, even when I was alone at night. Insomnia is a bitch, but because of that bitch I've learned to handle things a bit easier through realization.. well, easier than how I use to handle it at the least.


Enjoy the simplicity of life. I understand that that's a hard message within itself but it is possible. Step back from all the drama and stress and let life happen one step, one breath and one day at a time. Keep yourself happy and surround yourself with those and things that make you happy. Get back into your hobbies or find one. Spend time alone to discover the soul that lives within. Allow good things to happen and bad things to go. Have faith in anything you do; set goals and strive to achieve them; and know that, even when you feel like you're alone, someone will always be there to support and believe in all that you do. Every now and then we will encounter a whole new lesson that we must learn to practice... The Art of Wanting To Let Go; I'm still working on it...



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"Never take someone for granted, hold every person close to your heart, cause you might wake up one day and realize that you've lost a diamond while you were too busy collecting stones."

EVERYTHING BIG.

Looking back at old albums and reminiscing all that I've done since January; I've got to say, we've had a very successful year ladies. We have done so much this year! 2010.. this is it. I think I can truly say that this year was a year we've all experienced more love and happiness than pain and heartaches; and that's what I want, every year, no matter what.

What's the point in keeping a grudge or not communicating your problems? What's the point in keeping something around that emits negative energy or unnecessary drama? What and who will benefit from bad times? I repeat my points in my blogs for those who still don't truly seem to comprehend it; you live one life and that life is right now. Don't you want to be happy? To be able to look back at photos and smile, reliving events and sentences and jokes from that day?



Winter of 2010;
New years in New York with B & P. Visited JBear, met Chris & Algene, watched the snow fall over the city, skated in Central Park, roamed the streets of Manhattan, falling hopelessly in love with the city, streets and people. Pio Pio with the girls, Henry and his boys for my bday :) YOURE THE BEST! My birthday, both there and Toronto, champagne and messy pizza fights, P telling H to "hol her purse" to punch, M throwing her pizza and bottle, laughs and jokes the next morning. H's bday dinner and night out, the fun and drama, the dancing on bottle service tables only to give the owners an idea to put in dance podiums. StrangeLove. Countless dinners with Mona. Markham bar nights with LC. New York with B P M & L for Vday, Chris and Algene puttin on for their city, falling in love with Talay and sheesha in clubs, cop cruiser wishing us a happy vday over the cars speakers, running around Harlem in search of pizza, nuvo & soul food and as always, mission accomplished. London visits with V and the boys, I miss you boys. Champagne diet nights with Mona. Shopping for new attire...

Spring of 2010;
Miami with B P M & L for WMC, meeting up with our NY team, VIP Black Hennessy rooftop party, hip hop nights and a night of house, 5am pizza 7am sleep 10am alcoholic breakfast then throw that on repeat, Clevelanders pool party, Team Conneticut, massive seafood, & steak drunken dinner courtesy of Stony, drunken duttywine and bed humps in the room, 3 hour naps and back for round 2, Nikki Beach, South Beach, Wet Willies, Fountain Bleu. Roof top pool parties at Evan's, pool party at Jamie's, sheesha sessions with Sivan, club nights, club fights and the times I don't remember. Luxy, beginning of Skybar, Embassy just for a good dance. Musiq Soulchild, Bilal concert. A's bday, cakes, cupcakes and bottles and bottles of champagne. Shopping for new bikinis...

Summer of 2010;
More rooftop pool parties, club nights, boat cruise party, beach, brunch and dinners. Tommaaay's bday, rockin out with the fam like a fam jam! L's & HC's bday, full squad out, magnum and champagne all night, drama, the discovery, the next day water fight at Stinky Park, balloons and water gun. The becoming of SFF & BFF. Fishing trip, near drowning, Q swimming with nemo, 3 btls of champagne.. yes, I drank champagne on our fishing trip, so what? Back to NYC with P, bunked at Milli's in the Bronx, seafood, club nights, latin dishes, limo and champagne pick up, reuniting with the NY fams, CRUMBS, partying until morning literally, Rooftop party at Ravel, Bronx City Island & Beer Garden in Queens w the ladies, special visit, I miss you guys & girls! Endless nights at base, all asian.. in the yahd.. real niggas get drunk from the fuckin' start haha. That drunken Thursday when Hookman came out and I met RS<3 style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;font-size:130%;" >Fall 2010;
FUCKERY AWAITS! Dead that old shit. New Chapter. Yeah, OG. You know me, real thug, all day, by myself, gun on my waist, frown on my face, in jail, one bed, no pillow case, by myself, you wanna go night-night nigga!? YOU NIGGAS WANNA GO NIGHT-NIGHT?!?! (Kevin Hart.. look into that, slackers.)




I live a life filled with people and things that I want around. I'm happy, I'm grateful and I'm excited for whatever else life has to throw my way; whether it be obstacles, new friends, ends of friends, new love, anything.. even new chihuahuas. At the end of the day, y'all make the same annoying bitch ass high pitched barks and sit there.. don't bother wasting my time, I don't wanna prove the world right. Toodles to you bitches.

Anything you girls do, we can do better.
We can do anything better than you :)

&& PEOPLE SAYIN' THEY WANNA PARTY WIT US..
SO COME FIND US.



We da illest, why you think we so high in demand homie?

♥ W E ♥ F A N C Y ♥ B I T C H ♥

Run With It.

I see potential in you but you got your eyes shut/
My mind's racing, running wild with bipolar thoughts/
Need an exit, not the finish line before I'm caught/
Not by the trick, but the voice inside I know I've fought/
And I forgot what it felt like/ wrong but it feels right/
Lost sleep, every week, kept me up, late nights/
I know I'm crazy right?/ But I'ma do it still/
They say to do as you please and to keep it real (reel)/
No time for acts and plays, just do what you feel/
You caught a case to fight, then call me your appeal.

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Marcel, I see you. Toronto's filled with talent, Marcel brought Blake to my attention so I gotta shout him out. Flow is sick, stay awake Toronto.. we got stars on the rise.




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PIGEONS, CHICKENS, WORD; Either way you flyless bird. Get off me.

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If looks can kill then we're dressed for your funeral.

SFF&BFF = FUFN!!
You live, you learn, you adapt, you evolve and you be. Now be happy :)
I owe you guys a better blog next week.




What if I kissed you right now.

Turn The Page.

Chapters I-VIII;
I remember when life used to be so simple; before it all started. I remember when the only worry in the world was wondering if M was allowed to come out and play, or if we could be cool enough to play with our older brothers and cousins for that day; who's going to be "it" for red rover, man hunt or red ass; if we can get a $2 bill (remember those?) for ice cream when the ice cream truck would come; or who can build the best igloo or tire fort when it came time to, if we were going to set up booby traps in the apple club... stupid things like that.

I remember roaming the streets of Toronto at night, not comprehending the presence of possible danger, hiding with M from our siblings for man hunt. I remember how we got in shit one time and we decided to run away.. I was so outraged that all I packed was juice and carried my mini cage with my pet rat (that's right, pet rat) and ran away to the park, hiding within the trees when we heard our parents coming for us (yes, true story.. and yes, we got our asses beat hard).

Chapters IX-XIV;
I remember my first time experiencing a crush, I remember my first time getting crushed and I remember drinking my first cream soda Crush hahaha. I remember moving out of the city to some town I had no idea how to pronounce. I remember hating life for the first year or two and I remember how happy I was to learn that my best friend would be joining me in the boonies. I remember meeting my soul mates and growing with them for the next decade.. and no they aren't men, they're my BFFs.

I remember getting into some trouble as a young teen, hardly home, always sleeping over with P & M. I remember the shananigans with the boys, the fights, the parties and the chilling sessions. I remember the missions of busing eeeeverywhere and the long rides home. I remember spending so much money on cabs just to visit my boys for the weekend.

Chapters XV-XVIII;
I remember when life started to throw lessons my way; where it all began. I remember my first boyfriend. I remember my first (and only to be honest) real relationship. I remember what it felt like to fall so deep in love without any fear, doubt or hesitation that I felt like I could take on the world with him by my side. I remember all the ups and downs, the trials and triumphs, the deep love and hate, the heavy knotted pains and the euphoric mesmerizing highs.

I remember the point where I realized that, even though I loved him with all that I was composed of, the best thing for me to do was to let him go. I remember how I felt like I was dying after I left, I remember feeling weak without his comfort and presence, I remember wanting to relapse and run back, I remember the struggles of letting go, I remember the feeling of accomplishment when I started to become my own person and I remember feeling content and satisfied when I was reborn. I remember finding out about his death and feeling guilty. I remember learning to let him go with all faults, his and mine, and I remember knowing that it's going to be okay, eventually, in time. I'm still trying, almost a year..

Chapters XIX-XXI;
I remember when life slowly started to make sense to me; the acceptance in it all. I remember becoming my own person, realizing that I didn't need a boyfriend to make myself happy. I remember the happiness I felt learning and discovering little bits & pieces, traits and secrets about myself. I remember truly bonding with my girls, evolving from a couple dozen acquainted tweens to a dozen close teens to a solid sisterhood of 7 women.

I remember fucking up on a lot of things and having support on getting myself back. I remember not truly acknowledging my responsibilities, only to finally accept them now. I remember taking in the fact that life will happen with or without me and that it will turn out the way I want it to turn out. I remember telling myself that I need to make myself happy, I need to do what I want to do in life and it won't happen with one foot outside the door.. I hear a funny hesitation of a heart that's never really sure.....hahaha dead iiiit. I remember taking many trips with my RODC and BFFs, all the while subconciously, becoming the woman I am destined to be; one in a million.

Chapter XXII;
I remember everyone that I've met and shared memories with. I appreciate all of you that I've crossed paths with or am still on with; surely, you must know that every little thing you've all done and said to me has contributed into making me who I am today. The bitch, cool one, pleasant one, rude one, snobby one, funny one, crazy one, wild one, fighting one, loving one, loud one, quiet one, emotional one, heartless one, ride or die one, leave me out your bullshit one, talkative one (clearly), loyal one, etc... A chick with many attributes.

Currently; Family. BFFs. You. SFFs. Them. NYC...

Uptown. Downtown. What now? Downtown...

Drama. Creepers. Adventures. Laughter...

Memories of January, February, March, April, May, June, JULY, AUGUST, SEPTEMBER...

.............. *Flips to new page*


Ima bring it back to one of my all time favs...



Bobby Valentino - Turn The Page

Comment, hate me, love me, date me - do all 4, we'll make a baby.... LOL NOT!!



Do you & I'll do me. Love my life and everything in it.
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ps: TipZ RuleZ!!! LC we WINNING!!!!

Thank Me Now.

Just wanted to post a quick thank you to those who actually read and support my shit. I appreciate messages like these and it reminds me why I write what I write and it keeps me motivated in doing it every week (or at least I try for every week haha).

Shout out to my girls who always feed me ideas, shout out to Q for the constant support, shout out to my constant readers && OF COURSE, as always.. shout out to stalkers who love my dick :)











I LOVE IT! KEEP EM COMING PPLS!!



Take that shit in and throw up 'cause he's too sick.