Love & Appreciation.‏

Wake up, shower, get ready, pick out your outfit, check the time, go to school/work, beat traffic, study/work, stay aware of your health, stay on top of your finances, pay bills, refill the gas in your car/renew monthly transit passes, check the time, eat all meals if you remember to, try to maintain a healthy & strong relationship with friends, family and loved ones, stress, thoughts, pets, keep your room/house tidy, groceries, check the time, make dinner, pack lunch for tomorrow, see if the weather permits a nice outfit for the next day, check the time, try to sleep, argue with your own insanity, escape for the night with the cousin of death, put that on repeat, give or take a few details, etcetera, etcetera..


Life; with so much running through your mind at once, you always forget that you have the ability to step back and appreciate the simpler things in life. Every so often, I suffer from a case of insomnia that I can only thank myself for with so much shit in my head. It's a bittersweet feeling. Bitter and frustrated from the lack of rest, lack of silence, lack of mental control and lack of sleep; sweet and appreciative from learning that this is when my insanity makes more sense to me realistically, allowing myself to understand my actions and thoughts from a different perspective. If anyone understood what I just said, you'll know that I'm explaining that satisfying feeling of knowing you've just mentally grown as person on your own; acceptance and understanding in a positive manner will bring you far and high when you are in search of your own soul.


There will always be a constant stream of distraction in life no matter where you go, where you stand and what you are doing. I remember when I got caught slipping and what it all felt like from the beginning to the end. The feeling of excitement and adrenaline when it was new was refreshing but discovering that I was investing more than I even knew I wanted to was the show stopper. I walk into every situation in life completely aware of all that is involved, such as factors, probabilities and possible outcomes - so going into this, I knew it what it would do to me, what to expect and how to control my actions.. for the most part. My mind was on OVERLOAD and I didn't have a second of silence to myself, even when I was alone at night. Insomnia is a bitch, but because of that bitch I've learned to handle things a bit easier through realization.. well, easier than how I use to handle it at the least.


Enjoy the simplicity of life. I understand that that's a hard message within itself but it is possible. Step back from all the drama and stress and let life happen one step, one breath and one day at a time. Keep yourself happy and surround yourself with those and things that make you happy. Get back into your hobbies or find one. Spend time alone to discover the soul that lives within. Allow good things to happen and bad things to go. Have faith in anything you do; set goals and strive to achieve them; and know that, even when you feel like you're alone, someone will always be there to support and believe in all that you do. Every now and then we will encounter a whole new lesson that we must learn to practice... The Art of Wanting To Let Go; I'm still working on it...



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"Never take someone for granted, hold every person close to your heart, cause you might wake up one day and realize that you've lost a diamond while you were too busy collecting stones."